Healing After an Affair

by T. Edwards on January 17, 2011


Infidelity in a marriage is something many people feel is a death knell, but surprisingly enough there is a large number who decide to remain married and work through the issues. If you have recently found out that your husband has had an affair, you are likely devastated and unsure of what to do next. This is especially true if he has moved out of the home and divorce has been mentioned. At this point, you may feel like everything would be right again as long as the affair ends. Unfortunately, it is not quite that simple. Healing after an affair takes time and hard work from both husband and wife.


There is a time for everything and as soon as possible, the two of you will need to sit down and discuss what has happened. This is a time for you to ask all the pertinent questions such as why. Do not expect to get answers that will truly satisfy the pain you are feeling, however talking can vent some of your deeper feelings and wipe the slate for a new beginning.


The first thing you must find within yourself is forgiveness. If you cannot forgive your spouse, you will not be able to move on, together or separately. This is a hard task and if you have suffered multiple affairs at the hands of your spouse, it may be impossibility. A spiritual advisor can be a great help during this phase of the process.


It is perfectly normal for you to feel anger, this is the person who was supposed to love you beyond measure and in many cases you have spent what you may feel are the best years of your life with this person. Many times an infidelity comes after many years, even a decade or more of marriage. These feelings are perfectly natural and you have every right to them, however they will tear you apart if you do not deal with them in a timely manner. Writing can be very therapeutic, poetry, letters to the other woman or your spouse can give you an outlet for your anger and once spent you will be free to heal.


Perhaps the hardest thing to overcome after infidelity is the fear that it will happen again. This leads to suspicions of the worst kind. If your husband is, a few minutes delayed at work your imagination can go into overdrive! Even if your spouse works in a male dominated field, you will wonder and imagine all kinds of evils. These you will have to set aside, it is wise to keep them to yourself unless you have a very trusted confidant. Watch carefully for true signs he has strayed again but do not give in to wild and crazy imaginations.


The number one rule to overcoming infidelity is to bury the past. Once you have talked everything out and determined that you want to move forward in your marriage you cannot bring this action up every time you have a disagreement. You will be tempted but it is a temptation you have to resist if you want to heal after an affair.

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